Hot Take: Dirty Grandpa

Hot Take: The latest in “What will Robert DeNiro do for money?” genre of movies. (Initially, I wanted to go with “Apparently, Robert DeNiro would allow someone to film him for 90 minutes in one of those Money Machines you see at a casino wearing only a thong with the blowers turned up to hurricane force as long as he was allowed to keep the cash and they kept refilling it if he grabbed it all” but felt it might be too long.)

Rather than spend too much time chastising Dirty Grandpa for it’s offensiveness (not really the content so much — which is very offensive — but it’s total disrespect for a human’s intelligence to accept this as entertainment), let’s talk about Robert DeNiro’s career choices. He’s done easy bad (Righteous Kill). He’s done lazy bad (Analyze That). He’s done ridiculously bad (The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle). He’s done reboot bad (Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein). He’s done “skip the theaters” bad (Freelancers). He’s done “Let’s make another shitty sequel and see if you still keep coming” bad (Little Fockers). He’s even gotten sucked into those “Let’s do an ensemble piece around a holiday” bad (New Year’s Eve). Sadly, I’m probably doing DeNiro’s shit list a discredit by leaving off a few turds. The saddest part of all of this is how easily an offensive, brutally lazy movie like Dirty Grandpa can make you quickly forget how good DeNiro was as recently as he was in The Intern and think maybe he’s done. He’s not… he just can’t say no.

Just say no next time a movie like Dirty Grandpa comes up, Bobby. You’re better than this.

“Spoiler Free” Pros

• Do You Like Dick Jokes?
  There’s plenty of them.
• Do You Like Jokes About Inept Cops In Florida?
  Plenty of that, too.
• What About Masturbation Jokes?
  Got that, too.
• Racism?
  Check.
• Senior Shaming?
  Check.
• Stereotypes?
  Check.
• Robert DeNiro Constantly Sticking His Thumb In Zac Efron’s Ass On the Rare Occasions Efron’s Ass Is Clothed?
  Yup.

“Spoiler Free” Cons

• Everything On the “Pro” List