It’s a rough week at Redbox or Amazon or wherever you get your DVD fix from. This week’s DVDs leave a lot to be desired but every week can’t be a winner, right? Here are the movies out this week and which ones MHT thinks you should buy, rent, stream and skip for May 31:
Gods of Egypt (Check out our Movie Hot Take from earlier this year)
Super Simple Synopsis: If ancient Egypt was mostly white and totally stupid. There were transformers in ancient Egypt?
You finally hooked up your 4K Ultra HD television that you bought yourself for Christmas and lo and behold you can purchase Gods of Egypt in 4K Ultra DVD. You realize no matter how bad the movie was, there were some pretty neat visuals.
Your friend just dropped The Bounty Hunter during a “Worst Gerard Butler Movie” discussion and before he could drop the mic, you rented Gods of Egypt and made him watch it.
You write a blog about movies and chose to skip this in theaters.
You didn’t buy a new TV, you don’t have friends and you would never start a blog.
MHT Verdict: Buy it!
This week’s choices are so bad, Gods of Egypt is the one to recommend strictly for it’s visuals. You can even watch it with the sound down if you choose. You and your friends could dub a new audio track for it, even. Heck, it might be better.
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (Check out our Movie Hot Take from earlier this year)
Super Simple Synopsis: Jane Austen infused with zombies.
You love Jane Austen and are into zombies, too.
You saw Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and thought if only this type of treatment was given to a classic novel by Austen.
You like horror-ish movies. You know, ones that have a horror feel but aren’t really that scary.
You’ll binge watch The Walking Dead if you need a zombie fix and Love & Friendship is in theaters if you need a Jane Austen fix.
MHT Verdict: Rent it!
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies wasn’t terrible. It’s about as mediocre as movies get.
Race (Check out our Movie Hot Take from earlier this year)
Super Simple Synopsis: The story of Jesse Owens and the ’36 Olympiad.
You’re big on historic re-tellings and movies featuring athletic feats at the Olympics.
You have a project due at school about Jesse Owens and this is the fastest way you can learn because you didn’t do the reading!
You figure at some point, Jason Sudeikis has to make an okay movie and maybe him not being the star will help.
You have The History Channel.
MHT Verdict: Stream it!
Race was adequate. It had some touching moments. It was entirely too long but it’s something you won’t hate when you’re done watching it. Unless, of course, you’re a Nazi then all bets are off because I’m not trying to get in your head.
Triple 9 (Check out our Movie Hot Take from earlier this year)
Super Simple Synopsis: Crooked cops, double-crossing criminals and a whole lot of violence.
You love violence and think Kate Winslet doing a bad Russian accent sounds like fun.
You saw 998 and want to see the sequel.
You long for Woody Harrelson in True Detective and figure this is close enough.
You’re not good with numbers.
MHT Verdict: Stream it!
Triple 9 was kind of disappointing but there were a few interesting scenes and enough star power to make it worth one sitting.
Unhallowed Ground (Did Not Review)
Super Simple Synopsis: Just your typical 6 students at their historical school at night get kidnapped by burglars and open a portal to hell story.
You buy every horror film ever made.
You rent every horror film ever made.
You stream every horror film ever made.
You typically make good decisions.
MHT Verdict: Skip it!