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Hot Take: Awful CGI, bad stereotypes, silly inside jokes about the cast and an unnerving obsession with canine genitals makes for one of the most painful watches of 2018. 

I had zero expectations for Show Dogs walking in. Somehow, this “for kids” talking dog/buddy cop movie starring Will Arnett and the voice of Ludacris failed to meet that level of expectations. How do you fail to meet zero expectations? Watch Show Dogs and you’ll see.

If, for some reason, you watch the trailer for Show Dogs and think it’s worth a look because there are cute dogs and something in the trailer makes you laugh OR you have children who seem to be interested, it would be more entertaining to type “cute dogs” into the YouTube search bar and watch what pops up. I’m really not sure what would make someone want to see this movie, let alone why someone would green light it. It should be no surprise, though. Director Raja Gosnell’s track record is dubiously brutal. His resume includes Home Alone 3, Never Been Kissed (probably his best work), Big Momma’s House, Scooby-Doo and Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, Yours, Mine & Ours, Beverly Hills Chihuahua and The Smurfs and The Smurfs 2. Brutal!

Other than a commitment to make every review at least 300 words, there’s not much else to say about Show Dogs. Screw it! Sometimes rules are made to be broken. Don’t see Show Dogs… you’ll thank me later!

Why Watch?

Your relative worked on the crew and you made a promise. Or maybe you’re obsessed with jokes about animal’s genitals? I’m grasping at straws here.

Why Skip?

You have to have all of your toe nails and finger nails removed… it’s more entertaining and less painful. You literally have anything to do other than this. Anything! Root canal! Punching yourself in the face! Anything!!!

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Hot Take: We’ve seen every piece of this movie before (Back to School, PCU, Revenge of the Nerds, Mean Girls and any Melissa McCarthy movie ever) and understand why it’s never been put together like this. A boring, mostly unfunny comedy that proves yet again that McCarthy should never star in a movie directed by her husband, as if Tammy and The Boss weren’t enough proof.

Ben Falcone and I grew up during the same time period. So, it’s not a stretch that Back to School or PCU would have had an influence on a film he made. Both films, especially Back to School, were run on a loop on HBO and Cinemax in the ’80s and ’90s. Life of the Party, the latest from Melissa McCarthy, is basically an amalgamation of the two movies with a gender swap on the main character and a sprinkling of a few other movies, as well. McCarthy is a more sanitized version of Rodney Dangerfield’s character whose one regret is never getting a college degree. Most of the movies Life of the Party is inspired by are much better than this Frankenstein of a college life movie and McCarthy’s particular brand of humor falls even flatter than normal here as she’s less caustic and crass than normal. The result is a film that will likely strike a cord with the die hard McCarthy following (who seems to like everything she does no matter the quality) but find little to no reaction from the rest of us.Read More →

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Hot Take: Diablo Cody and Jason Reitman continue to do great work together. Tully is the anti-Mary Poppins. Raw and funny and only occasionally clunky, if it were closer to December, Charlize Theron would be under consideration for an Academy Award nomination… and that’s just because she gained over 40 pounds to perform the role.

Maybe that “Hot Take” is a little too filled with praise. Tully is a solid mid-year flick backed by the talented writer-director team of Diablo Cody and Jason Reitman and headlined by Charlize Theron who is always a delight to watch on screen. As the main character, Theron takes us through the battles of postpartum depression and while the trailer promises a humorous look at the struggles of motherhood, Tully has a much darker timbre. It’s more of a drama than a comedy most of the way through and Theron and co-star Mackenzie Davis (who plays the titular character) work well together in the third film from Cody and Reitman that revolves around growing up. Preceeded by Juno and Young Adult, Tully takes the approach of what happens when you’re forced to grow up.Read More →

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Hot Take: The MCU has created an episodic event previously reserved for television and Avengers: Infinity War is the equivalent of a season finale… an engrossing, entertaining and eventful season finale that keeps the MCU on track to dominate the box office well into the next decade.

The Marvel Cinematic Universe has shown no evidence of slowing down. Avengers: Infinity War, the 19th (NINETEENTH!!!) film from the MCU, exploded at the box office. As of this writing, the film has grossed $1.6 billion worldwide, the 5th largest worldwide box office gross… and we’re only 17 days into release. Avengers: Infinity War had the biggest weekend opening both domestically ($257.7 million) and worldwide ($640.5 million) and is only slightly behind the pace of Star Wars: The Force Awakens for biggest domestic box office of all time. The financial success means very little, though, other than it guaranteeing more comic book films to come. Even without the financial success, the level of quality these films continue to produce, especially with Avengers: Infinity War arguably being the best of the 19 films from the MCU, means the MCU has managed to continue deliver high quality films at an unprecedented rate.Read More →

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Hot Take: This movie recycles so much, it should come with an Energy Star certification. 

It’s tempting not to go back, look through the reviews I’ve written and not just copy an old review of a generic B-movie thriller. Honestly, it would likely fit. I guess there’s a twist with Breaking In as the criminals are INSIDE the house and Gabrielle Union’s character must break IN to save her children BUT, let’s be real, that’s not much of a twist. Instead, it’s mostly regurgitated drama/action that we’ve seen maybe 100 times in the last 10 years. Read More →

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Hot Take: For a film completely unworthy of a remake — even with a gender-swapping twist — 2018’s Overboard works better than the 1987 version. 

For the most part, ask about the 1987 version of Overboard and it’s Goldie Hawn’s performance that carries the film. Unsurprisingly, in the remake, it’s Eugenio Derbez, taking on the same role essentially, who is the reason to watch the remake. And, surprisingly, one could argue that Derbez is more charismatic than Hawn and makes the gender-bending update better than the original. That being said, the scary part about a remake like this having any sort of success could open us up for more unnecessary remakes from 1987 like Harry and the Hendersons, Can’t Buy Me Love or Innerspace. Let’s hope not. (Three Men and a Baby topped the box office in 1987… is it fair to say that 1987 wasn’t the best year for movies?)Read More →

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Hot Take: From the writer of Apt Pupil and director of Geostorm… that tells you about all you need to know.

There was something odd about Bad Samaritan from the start. Maybe it was the odd tonal choices the score took that never seemed to quite match the film. There are times where it felt as if the filmmakers plugged in a random public domain instrumental track without ever listening to it all the way through. Bad Samaritan fails to capitalize on some of its more positive elements — a novel plot for a thriller and a built-in audience for the villain of the film as David Tennant was the 1,500th different Doctor Who (okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration) — and ends up, as expected considering the creatives in control, a weak and even annoying effort that comes up way short on the entertainment side. Although, it’s safe to say, this will have an audience who loves Tennant in the bad guy role and doesn’t mind the choppy direction or sloppy script.Read More →

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Hot Take: Visually impressive, Isle of Dogs is another excellent effort from Wes Anderson who seems to only have excellent efforts. 

I’ll be the first to admit Wes Anderson doesn’t always do it for me. This goes all the way back to his first films. I remember being told how important it was for me to see Rushmore and how much I’d love it. I didn’t love it. I don’t even know if I liked it. I couldn’t say it wasn’t a good movie though. It just didn’t work for me. That’s how it’s been with the entire filmography of Wes Anderson. I don’t always like what I see but I can never diminish the expert craftsmanship he displays. Here, in Isle of Dogs, Anderson combines his signature style with stop-motion animation (not the first time for that as he previously used stop-motion animation for Fantastic Mr. Fox), his ability to attract A-list talent and an incredible score from Alexandre Desplat to deliver a smart, funny, uncompromising and imaginative look at the relationship between man and dog that doesn’t rely on its political subplot to entertain. It’s one of Anderson’s better works although Moonrise Kingdom is still my favorite.Read More →

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Hot Take: For everyone who has seen a flyer about human trafficking at a rest stop and thought that might make an interesting movie… too bad it didn’t.

Traffik is obviously a B-movie. It’s over-the-top depiction of trafficking intertwined with a dream-to-nightmare weekend thriller fails to work as entertainment and dually misses  the opportunity to educate outside of a few blurbs that roll right before the credits with facts and figures on the prevalence of human trafficking in our country. It’s a sad, difficult and often boring watch that shows every bit of its scant budget but at least proves the ’70s haven’t cornered the market on exploitation flicks.Read More →

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Hot Take: Pointless sequel. It’s like a pack of crackers you find stuffed in the back of the pantry. Sure, they look tasty but once you bite in, they’re dry and stale. 

I’m not the best person to review Super Troopers 2. I never really understood the allure of the original (although we could never keep it in stock at the Blockbuster I worked at) and if I wasn’t someone who saw almost everything, there’s little to no chance for me to see this one. But since I see almost everything, Super Troopers 2 hit my radar and, to my chagrin, lived down to those low expectations. Then again, what should you expect from a film that uses a cameo from a character (Stifler from American Pie) that hasn’t been relevant since the early 2000s to open the movie?Read More →