Hot Take: Thank goodness this trilogy is over.
If you’ve submitted to the urge to watch the Fifty Shades trilogy and you found enjoyment in the first two chapters of this trilogy based on the wildly successful book series of the same name, Fifty Shades Freed is here to give you more. If you’re like the rest of us, why are you even in the theater? Fifty Shades Freed follows Christian and Ana into married life where they argue more, have sex less and fail to communicate with greater frequency. Obviously, the target audience are the women who made this wildly successful book series a phenomenon and this incredibly successful box office a behemoth yet it’s tone deaf enough to focus its energy on showing Dakota Johnson topless and never quite getting Jamie Dornan completely naked for the third consecutive film. I guess Fifty Shades Freed is into torture, too.
If you want a quick synopsis, it’s easy. They get married. They have sex. They go on a honeymoon. They have sex. They argue. He surprises her with a house. They meet the flirty designer. They get chased by a mysterious vehicle. They escape. They have sex. He goes away on a business trip. She does something against his wishes. She almost gets killed by an intruder. They argue. They have sex, I think. They go on a vacation to Aspen with friends. They have sex. She finds out she’s pregnant. They argue. He gets drunk and see an ex. They argue again. The intruder gets out of jail and kidnaps someone and demands a ransom from her. They argue again. She takes the ransom and manages to stop the kidnapper but gets beat up badly and ends up in the hospital. They visit the grave of his birth mother. They have a baby. They get pregnant again. (No sex this time… boy, this movie has a subliminally depressing message about marriage.) The end!
If you’re a fan of the trilogy, my guess is this one delivered again. I only draw that conclusion because it’s not vastly different than the first two which were just as difficult to watch as the latest installment. For those who decided to give it one last try, there’s not much of a reason for redemption. At least it’s the shortest of the three.
Side boob and sex in jeans is your thing.
You’re going to hate it and you can’t remember the safe word.