Hot Take: If you set the bar low enough (a little lower!), Hitman: Agent 47 might make the cut. It’s August after all.

Two years ago, another video game turned movie flick, Getaway, hit theaters. It was the typical end of summer filler one ends up at and, at the time, I found it to be horrible but, also, a guilty pleasure. The combination of wondering if the Ford Shelby Mustang GT500 would make it in the credits as “The Car” much like Selena Gomez as “The Kid” and Jon Voight as “The Voice” (It didn’t.) and how fantastic it would be for this film to fall in the lap of the MST3K crew kept me entertained throughout. It wasn’t until last year when I tried to recapture the magic of the first viewing on the small screen did it hit me how truly dismal this movie was.

My gut tells me this will be the same experience gleaned from Hitman: Agent 47. The plot was terrible. Even the cinema scenes from most video games contain more intriguing story lines. The visuals were attractive and above expectations but nowhere near as slick, stylish and effortless as The Man From U.N.C.L.E.. The action scenes had some unexpected moments but even American Ultra‘s cartoonish action had more bite.

Yet for some reason, through all it’s very obvious flaws, I found myself enjoying Hitman. Chalk it up to incredibly low expectations or maybe I was genetically engineered to like crappy August action thrillers. I wouldn’t recommend the movie but wouldn’t argue if you said you found it entertaining.

“Spoiler Free” Pros

  • The Visuals
    The action itself was fairly ordinary but the film was visually appealing.
  • Hannah Ware
    Ware did something withcut very little here as Katia in her biggest role so far.
  • Great Audi Commercial
    What’s an action thriller without a car chase featuring a great product placement?

“Spoiler Free” Cons

  • Zachary Quinto’s Action Scenes
    There was a noticeable difference between the close-up Quinto action scenes and the ones featuring his faster, more athletic stunt double shot from a distance.
  • When the Best Part Of the Story Is When It Only Lasts 96 Minutes…
    Actually, there’s about 10 minutes of totally unnecessary (but beautiful) visual fluff including two extended takes showing off Ware’s body (because her taking a shower and a dip in the pool really advanced the plot!).
  • Rupert Friend, The Halloween “47”
    When your friend decides to go to your Halloween party as a fairly unknown video game character.