Hot Take: I’m willing to admit maybe it’s just me but Zoolander 2 was not funny.

I imagine Zoolander 2 was actually written over 15 years with lengthy gaps between writing sessions. The kind of gaps that would cause continuity issues with the script. I imagine it was written piecemeal and then the scenes were unceremoniously linked together loosely without much effort to actually make it seem like the scenes were actually written cohesively. I imagine at some point there was a quality checker who insured that every scene was stripped of any sign of intelligence.

Thinking through sequels, has there been many quality sequels that waited 15 years to be made? The only two that I could come up with were The Color of Money, Rocky Balboa and maybe The Godfather III (does Mad Max: Fury Road count as a sequel?). None are comedies as Zoolander 2 is more along the lines of Dumb and Dumber To as both come across as way too late to to even care about. Watching Zoolander 2 can best be described as finding your favorite snack in the back of the cabinet, ignoring the “Best by” date and regretting eating it because of how stale it is.

15 years later, Zoolander 2 is two things: “old” and “la-may”.  I can’t imagine Zoolander 3.

“Spoiler Free” Pros

  • Will Ferrell
     Returning as Mugatu, the megalomaniacal supervillain, Ferrell stands out.
  • The Cameos
    I imagine Ben Stiller kept a notepad and jotted down every celebrity he ran into that said they wanted to be in a sequel to Zoolander and then made it happen. There are more cameos in this movie than you can shake a selfie stick at.
  • Kiefer Sutherland
    Of all the cameos, his was the funniest.

“Spoiler Free” Cons

  • We Get It, Zoolander Is Dumb!
    Of all the jokes beat into the ground in this unnecessary sequel, the fact that it’s namesake character isn’t bright is driven into the audience with a jackhammer.
  • Every Joke Is Beaten Like It Did Something Wrong
    If Zoolander 2 tried a little harder to add a few jokes, it might not have been so insufferable. Unfortunately, the way too late to even bother crashing the party sequel, takes every joke it has and makes sure to repeat it a few times in case you thought it was funny so you might laugh again.
  • If You Ever Imagined the Last 15 Minutes of Saturday Night Live Stretched Out to a Full Length Movie…
    You’d get Zoolander 2.