Tons of releases but only one really matters: STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS! While it may not be hard to guess which one we think you should buy, there’s a couple to rent, a couple to stream and plenty to skip. Keep reading to find out what’s coming to DVD on April 5th:
Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Check out our Movie Hot Take from last year)
Super Simple Synopsis: Ummmm… it’s Star Wars?
Why Buy?
You already bought it? You preordered it weeks ago? You can never have too many copies and need one for the TV in the bedroom and the bathroom. (Hey! Sometimes there’s a TV in the bathroom!)
Why Rent, Stream or Skip?
You’re kidding me, right? Just buy it, already.
MHT Verdict: Buy it!
MHT’s most viewed movie (that’s the movie we went to see the most not the review read the most by Internet traffic. For some reason that would inexplicably be Goosebumps) of 2015 is now available for your home viewing pleasure and you should really pick one up today. Just finish reading this on your phone while you go to pick it up or click on the link to order it from Amazon if you somehow can wait a few days.
Mojave (Did Not Review)
Super Simple Synopsis: Two men enter the desert, one man leaves (and the other one follows him).
Why Buy?
Why are you asking me about this when you haven’t bought Star Wars yet? Go buy Star Wars!
Why Rent?
You think Oscar Isaac is talented enough to overcome all other things considered. You’re intrigued by the writer of The Departed being the man behind the script even if he’s written five poorly received films since then.
Why Stream?
You’ve heard the poor reviews and the concern over January theatrical releases but damn it, it features Mark Wahlberg!
Why Skip?
You figure if you’re going to watch a film that spends time in the desert, it might as well be Star Wars.
MHT Verdict: Stream it!
Even though the feedback has been lukewarm to negative, the trailer looks dark and the cast looks solid. There’s a good chance you’ll see a good performance from someone even if the movie ends up being a disappointment.
Tumbledown (Did Not Review)
Super Simple Synopsis: What’s the best way to get over the death of your husband? Fall in love with the dude writing his biography!
Why Buy?
Seriously, why do you keep asking me this when you still haven’t picked up your copy of Star Wars yet?
Why Rent?
You could really go for something sensitive and startlingly funny. (Hey, that’s what the poster says about the movie, the poster wouldn’t lie!)
Why Stream?
You could never win a game of “Make Me Laugh” if your opponent was Jason Sudeikis. You really want to see him stretch his talent by playing a brash, smart-alecky New Yorker.
Why Skip?
If you wanted to see someone deal with the loss of a loved one, you’ll watch yourself in the mirror while you watch Star Wars!
MHT Verdict: Rent it!
Cheap laughs about Sudeikis’ type-casting aside, this film looks to be touching and funny. Plus, Rebecca Hall was the best thing about The Gift and, now that True Blood is gone, you need another way to get your Joe Manganiello fix.
The Masked Saint (Did Not Review)
Super Simple Synopsis: A professional wrestling becomes a pastor and moonlights as a vigilante. (Yup! That’s real!)
Why Buy?
You only buy faith-based wrestling movies. (Even Star Wars: The Force Awakens can’t overcome that one! Damn, you’re weird!)
Why Rent?
You want to honor “Rowdy” Roddy Piper by watching his movies and chewing bubble gum and you’re all out of bubble gum!
Why Stream?
You know this is going to be bad but feel it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity to see a faith-based wrestling movie.
Why Skip?
You’ve been wrestling with the decision and you have faith that this is the right choice.
MHT Verdict: Skip it!
Unless you are the most ardent Roddy Piper fan, we’d recommend passing on this odd film released by a strange company (Freestyle Releasing).
Riot (Did Not Review)
Super Simple Synopsis: When a Russian kingpin kills your family, what’s the best way to get revenge? Get arrested and thrown in jail with him!
Why Buy?
Why would I give you a reason to buy this when I think you should buy Star Wars: The Force Awakens?
Why Rent?
You can’t imagine 0 out of 0 critics being wrong about this movie. You know anything written by a guy named Spanky must be great.
Why Stream?
You figure it’s got Dolph Lundgren and Chuck Liddell, how bad could it be? (Don’t answer that!)
Why Skip?
I told you not to answer how bad could it be? (At least it gives you more time to watch Star Wars!)
MHT Verdict: Skip it!
Yikes!
Identicals (Did Not Review)
Super Simple Synopsis: So, it’s the future and there are people exactly like you and you can upgrade to their life or something as there’s this company that will have them removed so you can take their place which is really your place. Well, that’s if your really the original and not a copy. Wait! This was supposed to be simple. Ummmm… a Sci-Fi movie. (Simple enough?)
Why Buy?
If you wanted to own a kick-ass Sci-Fi movie that has a little bit to do with cloning, you’d buy Star Wars: The Force Awakens since it’s sort of a clone of Star Wars: A New Hope.
Why Rent?
You’ve seen the trailer and read some plot recaps and still can’t figure it out so now you have to see.
Why Stream?
You’re a sucker for romance… even when it comes in the form of a Sci-Fi film with a ridiculously confusing premise. (Would that be Rom-Fi?)
Why Skip?
You’ll let one of your clones watch it for you and if it turns out he thinks it’s good, you’ll take over his life. (Is that how this works? Man, I’m confused on this one.)
MHT Verdict: Skip it!
Originally called Brand New-U, that title didn’t work either.
Creep (Did Not Review)
Super Simple Synopsis: $1,000 for one day of filming services at a remote cabin? What could possibly go wrong?
Why Buy?
You love obscure horror movies and you preordered Star Wars: The Force Awakens a week ago.
Why Rent?
You’re waiting for your copy of The Force Awakens to arrive and want to scare the crap out of yourself beforehand.
Why Stream?
You have a habit of trying out every horror flick that comes available on your streaming service of choice no matter how non-descript the synopsis is.
Why Skip?
You’re still not over the fact that Creep wasn’t referring to Kylo Ren.
MHT Verdict: Rent it!
Initially, this was in the skip pile but Creep crept it’s way over to the rent column with some decent reviews and a vague but interesting concept.
#Horror (Did Not Review)
Super Simple Synopsis: Something about cyberbulling and virtual terror. Look, the trailer gave me a headache so cut me some slack here!
Why Buy?
Really? (Star Wars: The Force Awakens)
Why Rent?
You couldn’t care less about plot especially when there’s blood and a solid cast of B-listers.
Why Stream?
You like the symmetry of streaming a film with a hashtag in the title. (No, Alanis, that’s not ironic either!)
Why Skip?
You’re turned off when an inferior film tries to assemble a niche cast just to pander to the cult movie crowd.
MHT Verdict: Skip it!
#TheresBetterOptions #StarWarsTheForceAwakens
The Hallow (Did Not Review)
Super Simple Synopsis: How many freakin’ times do you have to tell people to not go into the freakin’ woods?
Why Buy?
You’re English. (Seriously, this movie was all over my Twitter account last week and everyone who was tweeting about it was from the U.K. and they loved it.)
Why Rent?
You’re not English but the promise of praise for a first time director (Corin Hardy) combined with a dark horror film lauded for a number of unique, original scenes.
Why Stream?
You’re either English or not English and prefer the convenience of streaming over renting.
Why Skip?
You’re easily scared and if you wanted to watch a movie that made me feel like it was OK to go into the woods, you’d watch Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Even if Kylo Ren and a bunch of Stormtroopers are there, it’s still probably safer than whatever is going on in The Hallow.
MHT Verdict: Rent it!
Hundreds of English people can’t be wrong. So there was that one time when you tried blood pudding. But hundreds of English people can’t be wrong twice. Oh, and the Spice Girls. Hundreds of English people can’t be wrong three times.
But I’m a creep I’m a weirdooo…. 🙂
This just don’t belong here!