The Witch and six other movies drop on DVD this week. Black Phillip says you should buy The Witch but does MHT? Also, is there anything else worth seeing in this week’s batch of releases? Check out “Buy It, Rent It, Stream It, Skip It” for May 17th:
The Witch (Read the Movie Hot Take from earlier this year)
Super Simple Synopsis: A family is banished to the woods. Their baby disappears and other weird things start to happen.
Why Buy?
You love scary movies especially the ones that are more psychologically scary than jump scary.
Why Rent?
You love scary movies but know you won’t want to watch it more than once.
Why Stream?
You don’t like scary movies but Black Phillip keeps telling you to watch it.
Why Skip?
You like sleep.
MHT Verdict: Buy it!
One of the best movies of the first half of 2016, The Witch was a haunting tale that sticks with you for a bit. You’ll never look at goats the same way after you meet Black Phillip.
Blood Orange (Did Not Review)
Super Simple Synopsis: An old, dying, half blind rock star will do anything to protect his wife from her ex-lover.
Why Buy?
You have a vault with enough money to swim around in.
Why Rent?
You’re hanging out with friends and one of them says, “Let’s watch something really bad and make fun of it!”
Why Stream?
You know it looks bad but you have to see Iggy Pop try to carry a movie.
Why Skip?
You prefer Valencia.
MHT Verdict: Skip it!
Blood Orange looks overripe.
Dirty Grandpa (Read the Movie Hot Take from earlier this year)
Super Simple Synopsis: Grandpa has a foul mouth and lewd behavior. Did you think it was called Dirty Grandpa because he didn’t shower?
Why Buy?
You have an affinity for watching great actors embarrass themselves. (Robert DeNiro, I’m looking at you!)
Why Rent?
You hear it’s bad but can’t believe it’s that bad. (Trust me, it’s that bad!)
Why Stream?
You heard there’s a scene where Zac Efron walks in on Robert DeNiro masturbating and you don’t believe that really happens in the movie. (Yup, it does!)
Why Skip?
You value your time. (Good for you!)
MHT Verdict: Skip it!
This movie has nothing to offer.
Janis: Little Girl Blue (Did Not Review)
Super Simple Synopsis: A Janis Joplin documentary.
Why Buy?
You’re a huge Janis Joplin fan.
Why Rent?
You’ve heard some Joplin music and are curious about her life.
Why Stream?
You love biographical documentaries and Joplin isn’t someone you’re all that familiar with.
Why Skip?
You’re not a big documentary fan or a Janis Joplin fan.
MHT Verdict: Rent it!
Joplin has some great music and was highly influential on the female artists who came after her. She’s still influential to this day.
The Program (Read the Movie Hot Take from earlier this year)
Super Simple Synopsis: Lance Armstrong is a cheater… and an asshole.
Why Buy?
You love overly dramatized biopics. You knew Lance Armstrong was cheating all along.
Why Rent?
You’d prefer a more sensibly produced documentary but Lance Armstrong was a lying cheater and gets what’s coming to him.
Why Stream?
You hear Ben Foster is great as Armstrong and want to see a great performance.
Why Skip?
You still believe Armstrong is innocent.
MHT Verdict: Stream it!
The Program was an entertaining look at Armstrong’s rise and fall. It was an extremely heavy handed and one sided telling of his story but it was entertaining.
Southbound (Did Not Review)
Super Simple Synopsis: Five stories, one stretch of desert highway.
Why Buy?
You like scary movies and they were sold out of The Witch. You like scary movies and saw The Witch at theaters and will never watch it again.
Why Rent?
You love anthology films especially when done well.
Why Stream?
You’re not even that interested in the movie but the poster is so good, you can’t help but watch it.
Why Skip?
You’re headed north.
MHT Verdict: Rent it!
Southbound received excellent reviews and has an interesting premise.
Theeb (Did Not Review)
Super Simple Synopsis: A young Bedouin boy named Theeb crosses the desert in 1916 Arabia.
Why Buy?
You love foreign language films and Theeb was nominated for Best Foreign Language Film. Your name is Theeb, also.
Why Rent?
You checked out the trailer and thought Theeb looked intriguing.
Why Stream?
You have to know if the young boy makes it across the desert.
Why Skip?
You don’t do subtitles.
MHT Verdict: Rent it!
This year’s batch of Best Foreign Language Films have been impressive. While Theeb didn’t win (Son of Saul took home the Oscar), the recognition alone makes it one to see.
The Witch made me so scared.