There’s good news and bad news this week regarding DVD releases. First, the good news! There are 15 movies to choose from this week. FIFTEEN! Now, the bad news… this week is about quantity not quality. Don’t believe me? There’s a release starring Steven Seagal and another starring Quentin “Rampage” Jackson. No, they aren’t in the same movie. They have their own! Okay, let’s pull off the Band-Aid! Here are the DVD releases for the week of July 5th:
Boy & the World –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: Animated adventure follows Cuca as he tries to reunite with his father who left for the city.
Why Buy?
You read it was nominated for Best Animated Feature Film at the Oscars and won an Annie for Best Animated Feature from an Independent.
Why Rent?
You love animation but lean more toward Disney and Pixar.
Why Stream?
You accidentally mistook the title for Boy Meets World and were overwhelmed by your desire to see Cory and Topanga again.
Why Skip?
You’re like my brother and you can’t do animation.
MHT Verdict: Buy it!
If it weren’t for Inside Out, this movie might have taken home an Oscar. It did win an Annie though which proves the sun will come out tomorrow.
The Adderall Diaries —MOVIE HOT TAKE REVIEW—
Super Simple Synopsis: James Franco plays a writer with problems. He likes weird sex, takes Adderall and habitually lies as he obsesses over a murder case.
Why Buy?
You’re related to James Franco… or at the very least, Seth Rogen.
Why Rent?
You want to remember Amber Heard for something other than her recent press clippings.
Why Stream?
You can’t believe A24 would release a bad film after their incredible recent run.
Why Skip?
You’ve kicked the habit.
MHT Verdict: Stream it!
The Adderall Diaries isn’t a great movie but it has some intriguing moments. Plus, you get to see James Franco in a serious role because we can’t get enough of that.
By the Sea –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: A married couple (played by a married couple) take a vacation to France during a difficult time in their marriage.
Why Buy?
You want to pretend this is a documentary and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt aren’t the perfect couple.
Why Rent?
You hear it’s not very good but you’ve enjoyed a lot of the previous work this couple has done both together and apart.
Why Stream?
You hear someone gets naked and are okay with seeing either one.
Why Skip?
You figure marriage is hard enough without watching Brad & Angelina pretend to struggle with it.
MHT Verdict: Stream it!
Maybe fast forward through all of the Angelina Jolie sighs though.
Cabin Fever –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: A remake which promises all new characters and kills! (Does it surprise you this one is produced by Eli Roth? Didn’t think so.)
Why Buy?
You love pointless remakes.
Why Rent?
You can’t help but be curious about a movie with a 0% Tomatometer.
Why Stream?
You have cabin fever.
Why Skip?
You’ve fallen for this remake of a horror classic thing before.
MHT Verdict: Stream it!
Sure, everything says this is terrible and terribly pointless but you kind of have to find out for yourself, right?
Code of Honor –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: Watch out! Steven Seagal’s family was murdered and now he’s pissed!
Why Buy?
You gotta be kidding me.
Why Rent?
You are having a Bad Movie Watching Party.
Why Stream?
You see Steven Seagal on cover art and can’t stop yourself.
Why Skip?
You stopped watching Steven Seagal movies when you weren’t sure if he was going to beat up the bad guys or eat them.
MHT Verdict: Skip it!
Somehow, Steven Seagal movies have gotten worse with age.
Dear Eleanor –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: Two young girls take a cross country trip to meet former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt.
Why Buy?
You’ve always hoped for a more uplifting twist on the Thelma & Louise concept and now you kind of, sort of have it. (But not really.)
Why Rent?
You were skeptical but you watched the trailer and this actually looks kind of fun.
Why Stream?
You have a favorite First Lady and lo and behold if it ain’t Eleanor Roosevelt.
Why Skip?
You’re holding out for Dear Martha.
MHT Verdict: Rent it!
This doesn’t look half good but it don’t look half bad either.
Emma’s Chance –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: A girl and a horse.
Why Buy?
You love horses.
Why Rent?
You heard Joey Lawrence was in this and exclaimed, “Woah!”
Why Stream?
You need your Hallmark Channel fix and cable is out.
Why Skip?
You never look a film horse in the mouth. (That was bad! Even for me.)
MHT Verdict: Skip it!
How seriously can you take a movie that casts Joey Lawrence?
The Family Fang –NO REVIEW-–
Super Simple Synopsis: It’s hard to trust your parents when you grew up being accomplices in their elaborate practical jokes.
Why Buy?
You saw the trailer and this might finally be a movie where Jason Bateman doesn’t play a total asshat.
Why Rent?
You’re a huge fan of the cast even if the premise seems ridiculous.
Why Stream?
You need a better reason than Christopher Walken? I didn’t think so.
Why Skip?
You can’t buy into a movie featuring Bateman and Kidman still hung up on their childhood.
MHT Verdict: Stream it!
This feels like a skip but that Tomatometer is at 78% so we can’t completely discount it.
I Saw the Light —MOVIE HOT TAKE REVIEW—
Super Simple Synopsis: A Hank Williams Sr. biopic.
Why Buy?
You love Hank Williams.
Why Rent?
You want to see what Taylor Swift’s boyfriend was doing before he started dating Taylor Swift.
Why Stream?
You’re not sure this is for you but you feel like musician biopics rarely miss.
Why Skip?
You’re waiting for All My Rowdy Friends: The Hank Williams Jr. Story.
MHT Verdict: Stream it!
Another borderline watch but we’re grading on a curve this week.
The Mermaid –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: It’s like Splash but foreign… and the Darryl Hannah character is an assassin.
Why Buy?
You have to own the highest grossing Chinese film of all time.
Why Rent?
You have to see the highest grossing Chinese film of all time but don’t need to own it.
Why Stream?
You wonder how much you can trust a country that makes Furious 7 the highest grossing American made film of all time but you still can’t help but want to see this.
Why Skip?
You have a rule: Never watch a film with 8 different people getting screenwriting credits. (That’s usually a good rule.)
MHT Verdict: Rent it!
I mean you have to, right?
Mothers & Daughters –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: The other movie Hollywood made to capitalize on the Mother’s Day holiday and we’re sure this is the better of the two, sight unseen.
Why Buy?
You saw Mother’s Day and have to wash the memory away so bad, you’re willing to buy this one to do so.
Why Rent?
You’ll do it on one condition: Please don’t make a third movie about mothers and daughters so close to these two because that will surely set off the apocalypse.
Why Stream?
Your mom said you had to.
Why Skip?
You’re a father or son.
MHT Verdict: Stream it!
Always listen to your mother.
Only Yesterday –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: The 1991 animated film from Isao Takahata gets a North American release (with an English dub.)
Why Buy?
You love Japanese animation and this is a classic.
Why Rent?
You think the animation is beautiful and want to see how a modern dubbing affects a 25 year old film.
Why Stream?
You like Japanese animation sometimes but other times it’s just a little too weird.
Why Skip?
You aren’t that into yesterday and apparently that’s all this is.
MHT Verdict: Stream it!
Re-releasing a 25 year old movie with new voiceovers gives this work a lot of promise but there’s no need to go out of your way to see it.
Search Party –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: If The Hangover occurred after the wedding… and wasn’t good.
Why Buy?
You’re your future self, you’re at Walmart and just found this in the Bargain Bin.
Why Rent?
You like the cast.
Why Stream?
Your streaming service keeps recommending it ever since you watched The Hangover trilogy and you feel like you should be nice.
Why Skip?
You know how movies that sit in development hell before finding a way to get released turn out and it usually isn’t good.
MHT Verdict: Skip it!
Be smart, for once.
Term Life –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: Your typical criminal dad tries to bond with daughter while running from a crime lord flick.
Why Buy?
You can’t go wrong with Vince Vaughn. (Season 2 of True Detective doesn’t count!)
Why Rent?
You love when Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau work together and damn if Favreau doesn’t find his way into this project, too.
Why Stream?
You were totally ready to skip this but then you saw that the guy who directs it is the kid from A Christmas Story!
Why Skip?
You looked at Rotten Tomatoes and it wasn’t the 0% Tomatometer but the 35% Audience Score that scared you away.
MHT Verdict: Skip it!
When 65% of viewers don’t like something, no matter the sample size, it might be smart to stay away. Do you realize how easy the audiences are on movies? Mother’s Day scored 51%! How much can you trust someone who is told 100 times they’ll shoot their eye out and then proceeds to do just that, anyway?
Vigilante Diaries –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: Somehow Steven Seagal isn’t in this?
Why Buy?
You gave someone your copy of V for Vendetta and need a cheap placeholder on your DVD shelf.
Why Rent?
You want to see what Jason Mewes does when Kevin Smith isn’t looking.
Why Stream?
You have a mental dysfunction that causes you to watch any movie with cover art featuring exactly 7 actors. NOT SIX! SEVEN!!!
Why Skip?
You know what, if you have to ask, you obviously didn’t even bother reading the title of this movie.
MHT Verdict: Skip it!
How do movies like this get made?