Hot Take: Of course it’s awful. How could it not be? The question was never, “Is this going to be bad?” It was, “Why would anyone make this in the first place?”

If you choose to see Nine Lives and whine about how bad it is, you have no one to blame but yourself. If you’re too young to remember the switch movie craze of the late ’90s and early 2000s, you’re probably just the right age for this movie and won’t dwell too much on trying to figure out what kind of gambling debts Kevin Spacey must have to pay off to take such a role. If you are old enough to remember those movies, you probably were left wondering if this movie came out of a time capsule. At one point I was expecting the 90s to call and ask for their movie back.

If it weren’t for some well known actors (Spacey, Jennifer Garner and Christopher Walken, Robbie Amell and Cheryl Hines) and modern technology — Spacey’s billionaire character wears a smart watch — this movie could have been made 20 years ago and sat on a shelf somewhere and we’d have had no idea.

The movie itself isn’t good. It’s not the worst movie of the year. The concept might be but there’s enough for very young audiences to enjoy and cat lovers will like some of the cat scenes. It’s breezy and that’s saying a lot for a movie about a guy in a coma whose mind and soul get transferred into a cat. Christopher Walken is a cat whisperer for crying out loud. I’m not sure how a movie such as this can bring out such ire once it’s made. Did it even have a chance of being good? There’s plenty of proof over the years that movies like Nine Lives don’t work.

So, rather than be like everyone else and pile on, the preference here is to stay positive. At least Lil Bub gets a cameo. (Okay, that’s all I really have but it’s something, right?)

“Spoiler Free” Pros

  • Lil Bub
    If you aren’t familiar with Lil Bub, you can read about her here.
  • It’s Short
    At 87 minutes, the movie flies by. Even if you are completely annoyed, it’ll be over quickly.

“Spoiler Free” Cons

  • I Thought We Outgrew These Movies, Hollywood
    What the heck happened here? Couldn’t the studio just buy the rights to Look Who’s Talking Now or Cats & Dogs and re-release one of them and save themselves a lot of money?
  • Wouldn’t GoFundMe Have Been A Better Option, Kevin?
    If Kevin Spacey took to GoFundMe and launched a campaign to raise money to make sure this movie was ever made, my guess is he could have made more from that than whatever he was paid to actually make the movie. Yes, we’re that cynical of a society that such a move would work these days.
  • Oh… It’s Not Really That Funny
    As juvenile and stupid the concept is, it still could have given a few laughs. When the funniest thing about your movie is a cat getting into the liquor cabinet and pouring himself a drink, that’s pretty low. Did I mention this was directed by Barry “Men In Black” Sonnenfeld? Who did he owe a favor?