Hot Take: If those generic Windows backgrounds were turned into a cheesy action movie, you’d probably get something that resembles Mechanic: Resurrection.

The best thing I can say about Mechanic: Resurrection is that it’s pleasing to the eye. The film features globetrotting scenes shot in beautiful settings in Brazil, Thailand, Australia and Bulgaria. Jason Statham is a physical specimen that is sure to be eye candy for any female who has the misfortune of being dragged to see this sequel to the 2011 remake of a 1972 film about an elite assassin who specializes in making his assassinations look like suicides or accidents. Then there’s Jessica Alba who, when she’s not getting her ass kicked (something that occurs frequently in this film), proves again and again that the camera loves her. Unfortunately, the movie itself is a assault on common sense as this far-fetched action flick leaves a lot to be desired.

In Hollywood, movies must not exist for any characters in action movies. The bad guys must have never seen anything that might foreshadow their fate when letting the good guy live too long. That and the revelation that somehow action stars like Statham are impervious to bullets or the bad guys can only find the world’s poorest shooters to be their minions and carry out their death wish. If movies did exist, the bad guy would realize the importance of upgrading their minion budget to at least include an employee or two with better aim or maybe a more surprising attack on the good guy to give them a better chance of taking them out. Mechanic: Resurrection makes absolutely no attempt to break the mold of other action flicks and features the same missteps every other evildoer makes and gives Statham’s Arthur Bishop the same bullet repellent other action heroes like him have had in other lame, ridiculous action movies.

If you do like Statham movies, this one is about as generic as they come. There’s enough action for any Statham fan to have a little bit of fun with the movie, at least. If elaborate action scenes are your thing and you don’t mind the silliness involved with suspending disbelief enough to buy that not one of the dozens of people with automatic weapons can hit our superhuman hero, then Mechanic: Resurrection might be for you. It wasn’t for me but it must be for someone, right?

“Spoiler Free” Pros

  • The Cantilever Pool Scene
    Okay, there’s one unique action scene that the rest of the movie would have benefitted from if it were as creative as this one particular scene.
  • Visually Distracting
    The film does a great job of distracting from the awful plot by taking us to exotic locales and including plenty of gratuitous shots of Statham (for the ladies) and Alba (for the gents).

“Spoiler Free” Cons

  • Brutalizing the Damsel
    Is there a particular reason that Alba’s character (she has a name but I honestly have no idea what it is at this point) had to get beaten up so many times?
  • What the Hell Was Tommy Lee Jones Thinking?
    I don’t think this is the first time I’ve typed that or something to that effect this year but I’m starting to think we might need to start a GoFundMe for the man just so he doesn’t have to keep doing parts like this.
  • Microwave Romances Are the Best, Aren’t They?
    That’s called sarcasm. The relationship between Statham’s Bishop and Alba’s whatever her character’s name is is about as believable as Donald Trump on, well, anything.
  • It’s Not Even Short
    Aren’t action flicks as devoid of any real plot as this supposed to clock in at around an hour and a half? By my calculation, that makes Mechanic: Resurrection about 20 minutes too long.