Hot Take: The most horrorific thing about The Disappointments Room occurred when it was pulled off the shelf and released after sitting there for 2 years.

The Disappointments Room is at least truthful in its title. Disappointment is a good word to use to describe your experience afterward. Dreadful is another. Dull works, too. The worst part about the film might be the fact that you feel like you’ve seen it before. The Disappointments Room is like a weird, awful combination of 2005’s The Skeleton Key and 2016’s The Other Side of the Door. It is somehow elevated above The Other Side of the Door by the mere presence of Kate Beckinsale but not by much.

If it weren’t for Beckinsale, this disaster of a film would be unwatchable. Fortunately, she has a scene or two that show off her acting chops, even if the scene itself is ridiculous. The rest of the cast ranges from useless (Mel Raido as husband David) to pointless (Lucas Till as flirtatious handyman Ben who also nails what might be the most non-sexually tense scene in movie history) to superfluous (Duncan Joiner as young son Lucas who at one point exclaims, “Please don’t get sick again mommy!”). There’s even Major Dad! Gerald McRaney appears as Judge Blacker and is a major dud in his role.

There’s plenty of evidence you’ll find The Disappointments Room to be a less than satisfying experience. If you choose to ignore the warnings of this review and all of the reviews posted so far on Rotten Tomatoes or the fact the movie sat on the shelf for 2 years while Relativity Media fought through bankruptcy, you have no one to blame but yourself. This is an hour and 40 minutes of your life you’ll never get back.

“Spoiler Free” Pros

  • Beckinsale’s Dinner Party Meltdown
    In the movie, Beckinsale’s character is mentally unstable after the loss of her newborn daughter. As she avoids her medicine and inexplicably explores this creepy old house that freaks her out every time she smashes a mirror or opens a door, she becomes manic. This culminates in one of the only entertaining scenes in the film as she flips out on husband David and their friends from the city who come for a dinner party to which Beckinsale’s character shows up hours late and drunk.

“Spoiler Free” Cons

  • Everything Else?
    Too broad? Well, it’s true.