Lordy, lordy! Look who’s 40! Usually when 8 movies are released, MHT has chosen to split up the week into 2 parts. This week, due to the lack of quality choices, separating the 8 into 2 groups would cause me to recommend some pretty terrible looking movies. To avoid such a fate, here’s the movies to buy, rent, stream and skip for the week of November 15th:
Finding Dory —MOVIE HOT TAKE REVIEW—
Super Simple Synopsis: Like Finding Nemo, only they’re looking for Dory now.
Why Buy?
We all need a break from our children now and then, right? (Full disclosure: I don’t have any children.)
Why Rent?
We all miss our childhood now and then, right?
Why Stream?
Because it’s about marine life and streaming it would be fitting.
Why Skip?
You’re tired of walking.
MHT Verdict: Buy it!
If J.J. Abrams taught us anything with Star Wars: The Force Awakens, we’ll forgive a total rip-off of the original as long as it is well done. Finding Dory, we salute you!
Arlo: The Burping Pig –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: Look at the title. Isn’t that simple enough for you?
Why Buy?
I can’t think of a reason but 48% of the country voted for Trump so my world’s a little upside down right now.
Why Rent?
Still can’t think of a reason but Steve Bannon has a prominent position in the U.S. government now. He has the ear of the leader of the free world.
Why Stream?
Let that sink in. A white nationalist who spews Anti-Semitic rhetoric and stokes the fires of blind hatred is now the Chief Strategistic of the guy less than half of you voted for. (Even less than the less than half of you that voted for Clinton.)
Why Skip?
I guess Fox Sports thought an angry ball of hot takes would be more acceptable in the form of an old, ridiculous white man. Wonder what gave them that idea?
MHT Verdict: Skip it!
Seriously? I know this is rated “G” but this movie can fuck off!
Army of One –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: The director of Borat makes a film based on the true story of the man who received a vision from God to find and kill Osama bin Laden and the cast features Nicholas Cage and Russell Brand. I think we have to see this, right?
Why Buy?
Okay, let’s not go crazy now!
Why Rent?
Maybe even this is a little off the wall.
Why Stream?
Okay, so you’re scrolling through Netflix and you see this movie and read the synopsis. Now, it makes more sense.
Why Skip?
I don’t think you’re going to be able to.
MHT Verdict: Stream it!
Nicholas Cage made at least one entertaining movie (Raising Arizona… The Rock was pretty good, too!) and Russell Brand made me laugh at least once.
The Beatles Eight Days A Week: The Touring Years –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: A documentary on arguably the greatest music act of all-time.
Why Buy?
You’re a big Beatles fan.
Why Rent?
It promises to deliver the story you didn’t know about The Beatles. Isn’t that enough?
Why Stream?
If their music is good enough for streaming services, so is this documentary.
Why Skip?
You’re an Elvis person.
MHT Verdict: Rent it!
You’ll have to wait until Friday but it does look like a fascinating look at the band.
A Dogwalker’s Christmas Tale –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: The word that keeps coming from my typing fingers is “Stupid!” so let’s just go with that.
Why Buy?
At least they didn’t spell it tail?
Why Rent?
You must be one hell of a dog lover.
Why Stream?
I imagine me streaming this and it involves me tripping over an Ottoman, landing just right on the remote to start the stream and passing out fro the head trauma. Yup! That’s about the only way that happens.
Why Skip?
You aren’t into self-torture.
MHT Verdict: Skip it!
This movie looks like a mutt.
How Sarah Got Her Wings –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: One of those shitty “Oh, you died but you aren’t quite ready for heaven yet so go back to Earth and help someone” flicks. Like we haven’t seen this plot enough before.
Why Buy?
You thought it was a documentary about scoring free Buffalo wings and you’re a huge fan of chicken wings.
Why Rent?
You thought it had something to do with Sarah Michelle Gellar and you’re a huge Buffy fan.
Why Stream?
You don’t value your time as much as you should.
Why Skip?
She’s either getting into heaven or going back to Earth. Time to move on.
MHT Verdict: Skip it!
You’d have to do some pretty amazing things to get a stamp of approval on a movie with this plot device. Spoiler alert: This one doesn’t do anything amazing.
Mia Madre –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: Something about a movie director and a nervous breakdown or something.
Why Buy?
John Turturro is a pretty decent actor. That’s all I got.
Why Rent?
An 88% Tomatometer isn’t that bad.
Why Stream?
Many of us are in the midst of a nervous breakdown after last Tuesday. This might be cathartic.
Why Skip?
You’re more of a Mamma Mia kind of person.
MHT Verdict: Stream it!
It doesn’t look awful and that goes a long way this week.
The Spirit of Christmas –NO REVIEW–
Super Simple Synopsis: Holy shit! Didn’t I already bitch about this once with How Sarah Got Her Wings?
Why Buy?
I get it. You love Christmas. But you can’t love it this much, can you?
Why Rent?
You’re spiteful and you want to hurt my feelings.
Why Stream?
Go ahead! Do what you want. See if I care.
Why Skip?
This might be worse than waterboarding.
MHT Verdict: Skip it!
Stop with the dead spirit thing. It’s played!