From Baywatch to Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul, May’s Anticipated Theatrical Releases, Ranked

There are some huge movies on the slate to kick off the 2017 summer movie season. There are big box office expectations for 3 sequels (Guardians of the Galaxy,Vol. 2, Alien: Covenant and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales) and Amy Schumer returns to the cinema to see if she can repeat the kind of success she had with Trainwreck in Snatched. All in all, there are 9 movies expected to see a wide release and 25 movies on the release schedule. Here’s the full list of films coming out in May:

1. Baywatch (May 25)

I’m a sucker for Zac Efron movies. I’m also a sucker for Dwayne Johnson movies. So, even though this is a cinematic version of one of the lamest shows in television history, it’s still the most anticipated release of May 2017 for me. The trailer looks like it could be one of those that crams in all of the movie’s laughs but at least the cameos of David Hasselfhoff and Pamela Anderson aren’t spoiled. There has to be a cameo from the original Mitch Buchanan and C.J. Parker, right?

 

2. Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 (May 5)

Will the sequel to 2014’s 3rd biggest box office flick be bigger than the original? $333 million is a lot of money to rake in domestically. Initially, there was some concern over how the film was being received by critics but now Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 sits at a “Certified Fresh” 85% on Rotten Tomatoes. The Marvel Cinematic Universe should continue to thrive behind their latest release.

 

3. Alien: Covenant (May 19)

Does anyone else have a bad feeling about the latest in the Alien franchise? Director Ridley Scott is directing so maybe that bad feeling is just gas but the first trailer was a little bit underwhelming.

 

4. Snatched (May 12)

Since splashing on the scene with Trainwreck in 2015, Amy Schumer has not returned to the big screen. Despite her recent bomb of a comedy special on Netflix, there are still high hopes for Schumer’s 2nd starring role in Snatched. This time, she’s joined by co-star Goldie Hawn who plays her mom as the two go off on an exotic South American vacation that spirals into an unexpected misadventure to get away from kidnappers.

 

5. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (May 12)

Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. This Guy Ritchie version of the King Arthur story isn’t going to be very good, is it? I’m still excited. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good!

 

6. Everything, Everything (May 19)

If The Space Between Us and The Fault in Our Stars had a baby, this would be the teen drama that was born. It would also be a reality TV star on some MTV show while it was pregnant but that’s a whole other story.

 

7. Chuck (May 5)

The boxer whose real life story inspired Rocky gets a biopic.

 

8. 3 Generations (May 5)

Elle Fanning stars as a transgender teen who identifies as a male in a woman’s body. Naomi Watts plays her single mother and Susan Sarandon plays her lesbian grandmother. This will be the movie where you’re most unlikely to find 10% of the audience to be Trump voters.

 

9. Wakefield (May 26)

Bryan Cranston plays a NYC lawyer who hides in the attic of his home for weeks and only comes out in the daytime while his family is gone. Secretly, I was hoping this was about former knuckleball pitcher Tim Wakefield but this’ll do.

 

10. Drone (May 26)

Last year, Eye in the Sky examined the pressure on the men and women in charge of launching a drone attack on a foreign country. This year, Drone examines what would happen if a victim of a drone attack who lost loved ones decided to exact revenge on one of the people responsible for launching a drone attack that killed his family.

 

11. The Lovers (May 5)

Two cheating spouses reignite a spark in their own relationship. Basically, it’s a movie about cheaters cheating on the people they are cheating with. Debra Winger and Tracy Letts star as the cheating spouses. The fact that A24 is the film’s distributor does not hurt the anticipation for this film.

 

12. The Wall (May 12)

A counter sniper mission goes wrong and when one of the soldiers is wounded, the other is helplessly pinned down by an unseen Iraqi sniper. Starring Aaron Taylor-Johnson and John Cena, The Wall bears a striking resemblance to 2002’s Phone Booth.

 

13. Paris Can Wait (May 12)

So can we… for home video.

 

14. Take Me (May 5)

An entrepreneur who specializes in high-end simulated abductions ends up getting more than he bargained for with his latest contract. Directed and starring Pat Healy, this black comedy also features Taylor Schilling.

 

15. Tracktown (May 12)

Olympic hopeful is forced to take a day off from running to recover from an injury in order for her to be ready for the finals of the Olympic trials. NCAA All-American runner Alexi Pappas stars as Olympic hopeful Plumb Marigold.

 

16. Black Butterfly (May 26)

Is Antonio Banderas still relevant? Because he’s still making movies.

 

17. Paint It Black (May 19)

Disturbing looking film about the aftermath of a suicide when two women — the man’s girlfriend and his mother — blame each other for the suicide of the man.

 

18. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (May 26)

For some reason, I keep walking into these cash cows thinking they’ll be good and continually being proven wrong. I’m not getting my hopes up for this one.

 

19. The Dinner (May 5)

Weighty family issues overshadow a dining experience at an upscale restaurant for two couples. The film stars Richard Gere, Steve Coogan, Laura Linney and Rebecca Hall.

 

20. Another Evil (May 5)

Now, we’re scraping the bottom with this horrible looking parody of the exorcism horror genre.

 

21. 7 Witches (May 12)

I liked it better last month when it was expected to be released and I couldn’t find a trailer.

 

22. Dead Awake (May 12)

This isn’t near the bottom of the list because it looks terrible but because I doubt I can bring myself to watch it considering I’ve had the dream they talk about in the trailer a few times.

 

23. Lowriders (May 24)

Blumhouse Tilt is due for a miss this year.

 

24. Champion (May 19)

A faith-based movie about dirt track racing. Oh boy!

 

25. Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (May 19)

This sequel has the most annoying, insufferable trailer maybe ever. 3 months ago, I would have not been surprised if you told me Alicia Silverstone left behind her Hollywood career. Now, I just wish she had.