By:
On:
In: 2017, Hot Take

Hot Take: A wreck.

While watching Collide, I couldn’t stop asking myself random questions. Is it over yet? Weren’t they supposed to get completely naked? Why is Nicholas Hoult putting his clothes on if he lost the bet? What won’t Ben Kingsley do for money? Why is Anthony Hopkins yelling at me? Is Hoult not allowed to be in a good movie? How come bad guys with endless streams of capital never hire minions with better marksmanship? Can I still review the movie if I walk out? Will they give me my money back? If I’m the only one here on opening night, how poorly will this perform at the box office? Is Felicity Jones required to have a different hair color/style for every film? Could Grand Theft Auto claim plagiarism? How come an usher hasn’t checked on this theater? How long would it take someone to find me if I passed out from boredom?  Read More →

By:
On:
In: 2017, Hot Take

Hot Take: You’re in and out so quickly, you might not even mind how below average this comedy ends up being. We’re pretty sure Betsy DeVos thinks Fist Fight is a documentary, though.

If Fist Fight proves anything, partnering a funny cast with a generally unfunny script will not achieve high marks. Proven comic actors Charlie Day, Ice Cube (Yes, he’s versatile enough to call him a comic actor… don’t believe me? Watch Friday), Jillian Bell, Tracy Morgan, Kumail Nanjiani, Christina Hendricks and Dean Norris try to carry a one-trick pony (21st century schools are out of control!) to the finish line in this excessively vulgar 91 minute dick joke. Okay, maybe the whole thing isn’t a dick joke but holy shit, there are a lot of dick jokes in this movie.Read More →

By:
On:
In: 2017, Hot Take

Hot Take: They made The Great Wall. It’s a huge disappointment… and the audience is going to pay for it.

If you choose to see The Great Wall, realize you are in for an absurd spectacle. Realize this isn’t based on any reality as the scrolling narrative explains at the top of the movie. Realize Matt Damon is the star and he can’t quite decide which accent he’s using from scene to scene. Realize the movie tries to be funny and is funny but rarely when it tries to be. Realize director Zhang Yimou makes spectacular visuals with a flair for the outrageous but couldn’t care less if the story works. Realize the story is the least important aspect of the movie. Realize all of that, lower your expectations accordingly and you should only be slightly disappointed in The Great Wall.Read More →

By:
On:
In: 2017, Hot Take

Hot Take: Ambition doesn’t necessarily result in good. I’m talking about both the plot and the movie here… I think.

A Cure for Wellness has an enemy. Itself. This movie has a lot of potential. It has an impressive look and feel. There are a few interesting, oddball characters every gothic horror film needs. Wait… Should I call it gothic horror? I’m not sure. Well, that’s problem number one. I guess that’s the best description of the category A Cure for Wellness can be boxed into. Read More →

By:
On:
In: 2017, Hot Take

Hot Take: The sex in The Space Between Us between two adults masquerading as 17 year olds was hotter. Hopefully, this series only has one more movie in its future.

Unless it is a movie from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, credits signal the right time to get up and go. With Fifty Shades Darker, the end credits song — “I Don’t Wanna Live” featuring Taylor Swift and Zayn Malik — was worth hanging around for. To be honest, the one thing these horrible Fifty Shades of Softcore Porn movies get right are soundtracks. Unfortunately, as the song finished, the credits were interrupted by a scene right out of a horror movie: The promise of yet another Fifty Shades film in 2018 (Fifty Shades Freed). They stuck a damn teaser trailer in the end credits for a movie that inexplicably will make millions.Read More →

By:
On:
In: 2017, Hot Take

Hot Take: The best Batman movie in the last 12 months. Look, there’s a lot of Batman movies these days.

In the last 12 months, there was Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Batman: The Killing Joke and Suicide Squad which, technically, isn’t a Batman movie but he does make an appearance. The most represented cinematic character of the last 12 years had a busy year in 2016. With The LEGO Batman Movie hitting theaters in February, he’s not getting 2017 off.Read More →

By:
On:
In: 2017, Hot Take

Hot Take: The follow-up to the surprise hit of 2014 has higher highs and lower lows than the original. It remains thoroughly entertaining throughout its enormous 2 hour, 2 minute run time which is a near impossible feat… but so is killing two guys with a pencil and John Wick can pull that off, too.

For some reason, I had some personal qualms with the original John Wick. It was before I watched the film and, for the longest time, I refused to give it a chance. Begrudgingly, I sat through part of it one night when I couldn’t find the remote and it was entertaining enough that I doubled back and watched the whole movie. Since then, I’ve watched the movie a handful of times. Call me a convert to the John Wick movement.Read More →

By:
On:
In: 2017, Hot Take

Hot Take: When the scariest moment is a tight shot of an umbrella opening, you’ve got major problems. The tagline, “First you watch it. Then you die…” must have gotten cut off because that second sentence should end with “of boredom.”

The Ring was one of the scariest movies I can remember. Since 2002, it hasn’t slid very far down my personal unwritten list of “Scariest Movies Ever Seen.” The Ring 2 released in 2005 and while not nearly as scary as The Ring, it was a bizarre, watchable sequel. However, you could feel the film’s content was grasping at straws to deliver a second helping of the original. Fast forward to 2017 and we’re “treated” to another installment. Unfortunately, Rings, the third film in the trilogy, is the weakest effort of the bunch. The first 30 minutes feels eerie enough but you realize early on nothing much is going to happen in this toothless horror flick that goes nowhere fast but not fast enough.Read More →

By:
On:
In: 2017, Hot Take

Hot Take: Another movie where Asa Butterfield’s performance is better than the movie he’s in. 

 A few days ago, I reviewed xXx: The Return of Xander Cage. The secret to enjoying it, in my opinion, was to watch it without thinking. That’s easy to do with an action film. The same approach can be taken for The Space Between Us. The only difference is, while it’s easy to sell the idea of watching a Vin Diesel action flick without putting your brain into third gear, it’s a little harder to do the same watching a Sci-Fi drama featuring a “teen” romance that gets a little racy (don’t worry, though, the actors playing the teens are 19 and 27, so it’s not as inappropriate as it feels) and enough bad science to make the Trump administration give a standing ovation.Read More →

By:
On:
In: 2017, Hot Take

Hot Take: Really? Do you mean it? Gosh, I hope so!

If there was an award for loudest movie of 2017, I feel safe in saying Resident Evil: The Final Chapter would make the list even though it is only January. Reminiscent of a Marilyn Manson concert I went to in November ’98, my ears were actually ringing when I walked out of the theater when the credits began to roll for what (fingers crossed!) promises to be the final chapter of the Resident Evil saga.Read More →